How to Find a Marriage Therapist Who Is Right for You Both

You’ve talked about it for months. Maybe one of you finally said it out loud: “I think we need help.” Then comes the next hard part, figuring out who to trust with the most personal parts of your relationship.

It can feel overwhelming. There are endless directories, unfamiliar credentials, and therapists who all seem to promise the same thing. Picking the wrong one can leave you feeling more stuck than before, or convinced that therapy doesn’t work.

Knowing how to find a marriage therapist who suits you both makes all the difference. With a clear plan, the search becomes far less stressful… and your first session can feel like real progress instead of a gamble.

What Does a Marriage Therapist Do?

A marriage therapist helps couples understand their patterns, communicate more clearly, and work through conflict in a neutral, structured space. Many are licensed as a marriage and family therapist, meaning they’ve trained specifically in relationships.

Couples often wonder if all that effort is worth it.

In other words, problems rarely fade by waiting, so knowing how to find a marriage therapist early matters. The right therapist can help you build changes that last well beyond your final session.

How to Find a Marriage Therapist Who Is Right for You Both: 10 Steps

Learning how to find a marriage therapist is a bit like hiring for an important role in your life. You want someone qualified, experienced with couples, and easy for both of you to open up to.

Taking the search one step at a time keeps it manageable and helps you avoid the common mistakes that lead couples to quit therapy too early.

1. Get clear on your goals together

Before you start searching, sit down and talk about what you each hope therapy will change. Maybe you want to stop the same arguments from repeating, rebuild trust after a betrayal, or simply feel closer again.

You don’t need perfect answers, but sharing a rough goal helps you look for the right specialty and gives your future therapist a clear starting point from day one.

Here’s how to do it:

• Each write down your top two or three concerns
• Look for overlap and agree on a shared goal
• Note any deal-breakers, like scheduling or budget limits

2. Ask for trusted referrals

Personal recommendations are an easy first step in understanding how to find a marriage therapist. Friends, family, or your doctor may know someone who has helped couples they trust.

Still, remember that a therapist who worked well for someone else may not be the right match for your relationship. Treat referrals as a starting list, then do your own research to make sure each name fits your needs and values.

Here’s how to do it:

• Ask people you trust who have been through couples therapy
• Check with your primary care doctor for local names
• Keep a short list of two or three options to compare

3. Search professional directories

If you’re wondering how to find a couples therapist without relying on word of mouth, professional directories are a great place to begin. Many let you filter by location, specialty, insurance, and therapy style.

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy offers its own locator, and broader directories list thousands of licensed providers. Reading profiles closely can tell you a lot about each therapist’s focus and approach.

Online searching is often where couples start, but it shouldn’t be where they stop.

Use online tools to build your shortlist, not to replace professional support. A licensed therapist can offer a human connection that no search result can.

Here’s how to do it:

• Filter by “couples” or “marriage” as a specialty
• Read each profile for experience and therapy approach
• Bookmark therapists who mention issues similar to yours

4. Check licenses and credentials

Not everyone who offers relationship advice is a licensed mental health professional. Look for credentials like LMFT, LPC, LCSW, or a licensed psychologist, and confirm that their license is active through your state’s licensing board.

An MFT, in particular, has completed graduate-level training focused on couples and families, along with supervised clinical hours. Checking takes just a few minutes and protects you from unqualified providers.

Here’s how to do it:

• Look up the therapist on your state licensing board’s website
• Confirm their license is active and in good standing
• Ask where they trained and for how long

5. Look for specific couples training

A general license doesn’t always mean deep experience with couples. Many therapists mainly see individuals and only occasionally work with partners.

Ask whether they’ve trained in an evidence-based couples approach, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy or Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy. Therapists with focused couples training are often better at managing two perspectives at once and keeping sessions balanced, productive, and calm.

Here’s how to do it:

• Ask what percentage of their clients are couples
• Ask which couples therapy models they use
• Look for ongoing training or certifications in couples work

6. Consider cost and insurance

Budget is a real part of how to find a marriage therapist you can stick with long enough to see results. Session fees vary widely depending on location and experience, and some insurance plans don’t cover couples therapy at all.

It helps to know your limits before you fall in love with a therapist you can’t afford, so ask about fees, payment options, and sliding-scale rates early.

Here’s how to do it:

• Call your insurance provider to check couples therapy coverage
• Ask therapists whether they offer sliding-scale fees
• Budget for weekly sessions for at least a few months

7. Decide between in-person and online therapy

Online sessions have made couples therapy more accessible than ever, especially for busy schedules or rural areas. Some couples, however, feel more connected sitting in the same room as their therapist. 

Think honestly about what will help you both open up. If you choose online sessions, make sure you can find a private space at home where neither of you will be overheard or interrupted.

Here’s how to do it:

• Talk about which format feels more comfortable to each of you
• Check that the therapist is licensed in your state for online work
• Test your internet connection and privacy before the first session

8. Schedule a consultation call

Many therapists offer a short, free phone or video consultation. This is your chance to ask questions and get a feel for their style before committing.

If you’re unsure how to choose a marriage counselor from your shortlist, these calls often make the decision much clearer. Pay attention to whether they listen carefully, answer directly, and seem comfortable hearing about your specific concerns.

Here’s how to do it:

• Ask how they would approach your main concern
• Ask what a typical session and treatment length look like
• Notice whether you both feel heard during the call

9. Notice how the first sessions feel

A therapist’s credentials matter, but so does the connection you build with them. Within the first few sessions, you should both feel respected, understood, and comfortable being honest, even about uncomfortable topics.

That feeling is more than a nice bonus.

So trust what you feel in the room. If either of you consistently feels dismissed or judged, it’s worth raising with your therapist or reconsidering the match.

Here’s how to do it:

• Check in with each other after each session
• Share concerns with your therapist directly
• Give it three or four sessions before deciding

10. Make sure they stay neutral

A good couples therapist works for the relationship, not for one partner. If it starts to feel like the therapist is taking sides, the partner on the other end may become defensive or stop engaging altogether.

When choosing a marriage counselor, look for someone who holds each of you accountable while making both feel equally supported, even during tense or emotional moments.

Here’s how to do it:

• Notice whether both of you get equal time to speak
• Watch for balanced feedback rather than blame
• Raise concerns about bias early, before resentment builds

Watch this short video from Utah State University Extension’s HEART Bunch series, in which Dr. Jared Hawkins and Dr. Ashley Yaugher share practical tips for finding a therapist who is the right fit:

What If the First Therapist Isn’t the Right Fit?

It’s completely okay to try someone new. Switching therapists isn’t failure; it’s part of finding the right match, and many couples meet with more than one before something clicks.

If you decide to move on, you can thank your therapist and even ask for a referral. Going back to the steps on how to find a marriage therapist can help you spot what was missing the first time.

Signs it may be time to switch:

• One of you consistently feels blamed or unheard
• Sessions feel unstructured, with no clear progress
• The therapist seems uncomfortable with your main concern

If there’s abuse or violence in your relationship, joint sessions may not be safe. Individual support and resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) should come first.

Taking the First Step Together

Reaching out for help is one of the most caring choices a couple can make. It shows that you both still believe the relationship is worth fighting for, even on hard days.

Learning how to find a marriage therapist takes some patience, but each step brings you both closer to the right fit. Clear goals, solid credentials, and a genuine connection matter far more than a perfect profile.

The right therapist won’t fix everything overnight… but they can help you understand each other again. With time and effort, those sessions can turn into a calmer, closer, and more connected marriage.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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